My Mortality-The End

Life is a gift. What you do with it is entirely up to you. That changes when you are forced into a situation that you have no control over. Over five years ago, my life as I know it was ripped from me. Nobody could possibly understand what I was going through. Nobody knew how to help me. The last night of normalcy I had I spent frying up some food, drinking lots of beer, and watching a concert of my favorite bands on t.v. If I knew now that it would be my last before a new beginning, I’m positive I would have spent it differently. The saying “live each day like it’s your last”...you bet your ass you should. Now I face more problems. The doctors found abnormalities in my blood at one of my hospital visits and investigated further. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer of the blood and bones. As sad and shocked as I was, I never thought I was gonna be able to handle it. Fast forward to now. Just about the only thing that’s healthy on me is my liver. Big surprise considering how many drinks I put down in my lifetime. I can’t drink much anymore cause it interferes with my meds. So, now I struggle within myself about what life is supposed to be. My body is breaking down. I spend more time in hospitals than most doctors. We still can’t find a solution much less a cure. As I did important testing this week I thought about what life would be if these test results tell me what I fear. Is it worth living if you can’t have a life? I know it sounds crazy but seriously. Is being medicated to stay alive and suffer worth the fight at all? I’m tired. I’ve come to accept that my lifespan will be shortened. I am at peace with that. I will continue to fight but I may have to surrender if the bad in my body gets reinforcements. I think I’d rather live out my days doing the things I was meant to do. Live. Time will tell what happens to me but when I go, I want everybody to know that I had the best life I possibly could have. I hope I leave a footprint behind that tells God that I did what I was supposed to do. I don’t have time do dwell on why me anymore. It’s here, it’s not going away and I have to deal with it. I will. Live life to the fullest, do not take for granted what you have. Live every day like it’s your last. I sign off with this last blog to do what I can with my life while I can. As always...I love you all...you...are...Beautiful.